Pikachu vs. Mr. Ash Ketchum (aka Ketchum-San, Satoshi)

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Mr. Pikachu

vs.

Mr. Ash Ketchum (aka Ketchum-San, Satoshi) and

“Gotta Catch `em All Gymnasium”

My client, Mr. Pikachu, a resident of Mt. Fuji forest and contiguous areas, does herein bring suit for damages against Ash Ketchum, the “Gotta Catch em All” gymnasium doing business in every town, district, and territory.

Mr. Pikachu seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result of the actions and/or gross negligence of said individual and company under Title 15 of the Pallet Town Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), Conspiracy to Travel in Interstate Commerce in Aid of Unlawful Activities and to Sponsor a Pokemon in Fighting Venture;  18 P.T.C . § 371 Conspiracy to Travel in Interstate Commerce in Aid of Unlawful Activities and to Sponsor a Pokemon in a Fighting Venture.18 P.T.C. § 373 Wrongful imprisonment in a Pokeball.

Mr. Pikachu states that on ninety-eighty separate occasions he has been forced to fight on behalf of Ash Ketchum (hereinafter, “Defendant”), which did cause him dramatic psychological harm and bodily injury.  A Pokeball is proof of his living conditions during this time is at present in the possession of the Court, marked Exhibit A. The psychological and physical injuries sustained by Mr. Pikachu have permanently restricted his ability to make a living in his profession of forest spirit.  Mr. Pikachu is self-employed and thus not eligible for Workmen’s Compensation.

Mr. Pikachu states that on September 14th he was captured by the Defendant while minding his own business in the forest. The Defendant captured him through the use of a restraining device (Pokeball) similar to torture chambers used in secret CIA prisons documented as human rights abuses by the World Court and many United Nations countries. While confined to the Pokeball he had no freedom of any limb, nor could he breathe or move in any way. He was routinely confined to the Pokeball for days at a time.

Paragraph One of the Report of Attending Physician (Exhibit B), prepared by Dr. Trip, M.D., details the multiple fractures, contusions, and tissue damage suffered by Mr. Pikachu as a result of his time imprisoned in a Pokeball and forced to engage in unlawful Pokemon fighting at the direction of the Defendant. Repair of the injuries requires a full bandage around the head (excluding the ears), a neck brace, and full or partial casts on both legs and his electric tail. In addition, Mr. Pikachu is diagnosed with PTSD causing him sleepless nights and making him unable to work.

Hampered by these injuries, Mr. Pikachu was nevertheless forced to continue fighting for the sole purpose of Mr. Ketchum’s pleasure. Mr. Pikachu states that on occasions too numerous to list in this document the Defendant violently threw him into an arena with another Pokemon in a fight to near death. On several occasions Mr. Pikachu overhead the Defendant talking to (once to Professor Oak) stating he made no money from these fights and his sole purpose was for the learning experience.  

In addition to reducing all Mr. Pikachu’s life to horrific gladiatorial combat with an ever present fear of death, the Defendant’s actions resulted in the following disfigurements to Mr. Pikachu:

  1. Severe singeing of the hair on the head, neck, and body.
  2. Fracture of the left ear at the stem, causing the ear to dangle in the aftershock.
  3. Full or partial combustion of whiskers, producing kinking and frazzling.
  4. Radical shape of the eyes appearing as “X”s while unconscious.

Mr. Pikachu respectfully requests that the Court regard these larger economic implications and assess punitive damages in the amount of thirty million dollars. In addition, Mr. Pikachu seeks actual damages (missed meals, medical expenses, days lost from professional occupation) of one million dollars; general damages (mental suffering, injury to reputation) of twenty million  dollars; and attorney’s fees of eight hundred and fifty thousand dollars.

By awarding Mr. Pikachu the full amount, this Court will censure Defendant, The Gotta Catch `em All Gymnasium, its directors, officers, shareholders, successors, and assigns, in the only language they understand, and reaffirm the right of the individual forest spirit to equal protection under the law.

The victim impact statement is submitted on behalf of Mr. Pikachu and witnesses including numerous Bulbasaur, Squirtle, and Charmander Pokemon seized from the”Gotta Catch em All” Gymnasium and for those Pokemon which were brutally imprisoned and tortured by Ketchum and his cohorts. The brief includes a description of the systematic abuse and torture which is inherent to the business of Pokemon fighting as well as the collateral effects of Pokemon fighting which criminalizes a noble breed of Pokemon (Pikachus) and tarnishes the reputation of responsible Pikachu owners everywhere.

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Analysis of Klingon Diplomatic Negotiation Strategy and Tactics

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Executive Summary: The years following the Praxis mining accident have been marked by changes in Klingon diplomatic goals and tactics. There continues to be significant resistance from the ruling elite to the policy and security goals established by the Klingon High Council and Foreign Ministry. With internal stability the primary concern, factors external to the Empire play little role in determining Klingon foreign policy towards the Federation.
Background:
Klingon foreign policy over the last decade has proven quite erratic as the 24 Great Houses (tuqmey) of the High Council battle for control of the Empire. The effectiveness of Federation foreign policy initiatives is unknown but probably quite limited in the current environment.
The Klingon Foreign Ministry has rarely held high status in the warrior society of the Klingon Empire. However, recent interstellar events have caused the High Council to place far greater emphasis on foreign policy decisions and management. The Minister for Foreign Affairs now holds a prominent position on the High Council and the Ministry has increased in budget and personnel by 30 percent over the last earth decade.
Recent indicators suggest the Klingon foreign policy apparatus lacks the necessary information to support the foreign policy decision making process. This situation is probably due to the long history of military intelligence as the primary function of the Klingon Empire’s intelligence services supporting the High Command. Current reporting indicates the High Council and the Foreign Ministry are increasingly tasking the Empire’s intelligence services to support diplomatic activities. One such activity became publicly known when the Klingon Signals Intelligence Service hacked into the databases of Federation presidential political parties. Federation investigations determined the High Council authorized this operation.
Foreign Policy Strategy and Tactics
Intimidation and coercion: The Klingon Diplomatic Service has long employed practices of intimidation on personal and institutional levels. Threats of military or other action to the Federation and outside worlds are common in diplomatic negotiations. Klingons consider the “fear” response  be repulsive. While in a heated discussion with the Orangi Alliance the Klingon Ambassador Q’rah threatened a military invasion. The Orangi representative produced a weapon and instantly killed Q’rah; stating “if there was to be an invasion it would have to be done with one less Klingon.” Federation SIGINT reports high praise for the Orangi among members of the Klingon High Council. Reparations were made to the House of Q’rah and subsequent negotiations went smoothly.
Blame Outsiders: Klingon diplomatic strategy traditionally blamed its outside planetary systems and alliances for economic and industrial production failures throughout the Empire. This practice significantly abated in recent years due to the need to rely on external resources since the destruction of Praxis.
Proxy Worlds: The employment of intimidation tactics includes the use of proxy worlds to support Klingon interstellar positions. Even Federation or neutral planetary systems in and near the neutral zone are subject to Klingon threats and harassment. Physical isolation from Federation ‘safe space’ makes these worlds vulnerable regardless of their status. This vulnerability to coercion has fuelled support amongst outer worlds for the Klingon dilithium mining rights and the intergalactic free trade agreement. Those planetary systems in and around the neutral zone that have not capitulated to the Klingons have significantly increased their defense spending.
Factors motivating Klingon Foreign Policy Decisions:
Status quo: The most significant factor in all foreign policy decisions is the need to maintain the power of the Klingon High Council and ruling elite (Great Houses) in society. All decisions and policies serve to maintain this status quo.
Clan Interests:
Externally, the major houses (tuq) of the Klingon Empire engage in consensus decision making on foreign policy and national security matters. However, there are significant power struggles between houses which often manifest themselves in foreign policy (official or otherwise). Internal Negotiations, concessions, manipulations, and corrupt practices often determine the course of High Council decisions on mining, commercial, and interstellar trade operations. The result of this governance system may appear to Federation diplomats as aggressive and even irrational.
The arbitrator and final authority of High Council decisions is the Supreme Chancellor. Intelligence and diplomatic reporting suggests that the Supreme Chancellor often favors Houses of immense wealth and power, particularly those closest to his blood line. However, analysis of the Chancellor’s decisions on political appointments, commercial trade and mining contracts indicates that some effort is made to distribute wealth and political power among the Great Houses. The likely reason for these decisions is to raise the power of as many Houses as possible, thereby building personal loyalty, and lessening the possibility of bureaucratic resistance, subversion, assassinations, or even outright rebellion.
Self Interest and Family Honor: Klingon officers have, on occasion, taken unauthorized military actions if it is within their personal or clan’s interests. These actions are often done using risk analysis incorporating clan interests and the potential for individual officer advancement. It is not uncommon for Klingon warships to attack Federation ships, convoys, or outposts if the act is perceived to be a great benefit to the Empire. Such benefits often include destroying a well known foe, gaining a new advanced technology, killing criminals, and eliminating a perceived threat to the Empire.
Perception of lesser place in the Galaxy: Klingon culture carries with it the concepts of pride and honor. Much of society rests upon these two believe structures. Federation advances in science and technology as well as societal development represent an ongoing challenge to the Klingon belief system and the legitimacy of the Empire. Diplomatic reporting and defector debriefings highlight the concerns of senior High Council officials that the Federation has already advanced well past the Empire. The Praxis mining incident has added to the public perception of the Federation being superior system.
Collapse of the Empire: Several Klingon subjugated planets rebelled against the Empire in the aftermath of the destruction of Praxis and evacuation of the population off Kronos (Qo’noS). In recent years, still more have rejected Klingon military basing rights and renegotiated trade and mining agreements. The Klingon High Council has as a first priority to manage the dramatic geopolitical change that is occurring and prevent total collapse of the Empire. All foreign policy decisions support this objective.
Summary: Klingon foreign policy is employing few new strategy and tactics. The objectives of foreign policy remain the same – maintain the High Council, Great Houses, and the Empire. Foreign policy mechanisms are now stressed due to the intensity of forces internal to the Empire which include clan interests, actions of member planets, and the perception of stability.
Edward of Planet

An uproarious scifi comedy that will have you laughing until your sides ache.

POC: Nicholas Eftimiades. Science Fiction Intelligence Files

Author “Edward of Planet Earth”.